mango's madness

TSA strikes again!

2011-04-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

MANGO

Do We Always Take The Right Highway?

2011-04-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra

3 Buddies go to a Carnival

2011-03-23T22:28:00.000-05:00

There were these 3 guys that had been friends from the age of 5. Where you saw one, the other 2 were near by, inseparable to say the least. Because the 3 of them were always hanging out, none of them had ever been married, even though they were in their 20's. They were eating breakfast one Saturday when the idea of going to the Traveling Carnival show. There was a Gypsy Woman there that is supposed to tell the future. This is a great idea, maybe she can tell us where to find wives! They all excitedly agree to meet at 6 and go see the Gypsy Woman. The excitement overwhelms them and they all are early, looking for the tent that the woman is in. After searching for a short time of looking, success, they found it. They get in line and wait their turn for a view of the future. It is so hard to wait! Finally the first of the friends gets called in and his future is read. She finishes and sends him out the other side and calls the next one in. This continues until the third friend has been read. When the last of the friends came out and they gathered up and collectively said,"what did she say?" The first one said that she had told him that he was going to meet a rich girl, get married and become a big business man, live a long life and die happy. The second friend spoke up and said she told him he would marry 3 times, with the third wife being the one that will last, and we would never lack in our lives. Now the first 2 looked at the other and waited. The third friend spoke up and said that the woman told him he would be married several times, out living 4 of them. As a matter of fact I will live until the age of 116. So I asked her what was the purpose of such a long life, and how will I die? You will be the most popular man in the retirement center bringing joy to all the old women. As for your death, you will be shot by a jealous husband.

A Visit with an Old Man

2011-03-22T15:44:00.000-05:00

I was visiting with an older gentleman the other day, and it was a pleasant chat. We talked about the little house in the country that he lived in. This little house was very clean, nice furniture and a huge bed. He loved his home! He said" I hope to live here until the day I cross over to the other side!" He really loved his life and enjoyed sharing with others. With this much joy being shown, I had to ask for advice or a word of wisdom to carry me on the rest of my life.
He said,"well son it is like this, you can tell that you are getting old when the hair in your nose and ears grows faster than the hair on your head." So amazed at this revelation I responded with," Sir, you don't have any hair in your nose or ears." he then said,"I have tweezers and I pull them, and by the way that is how I padded my mattress!"

Mango

The Desire of Humans to be the only one Correct.

2011-01-23T13:30:00.000-06:00

Wow! I have never been so wrong about so many things, more importantly, according to recent conversations, life after death. It has been stressed to me by one individual that it is required of all of us to earn our place in heaven. However, another has firmly stated that we must call the creator by his proper name. Of course, his group is the only one that knows what it is. The list of all-knowing goes on forever.
When I was young and in the dating scene, many eligible dates were eliminated due to religious differences. Unequal yoke was the reference used most often by all the adult leaders. To ask why was a slap in their collective faces. Accept their authority and the lofty position that the creator had bestowed upon them. Why do people obsess over being right?
Of course it is not only matters of faith, every part of life is the same. The car you buy, yep heard that one. The house you buy, that to. Where you shop for food, clothes, furniture, gasoline, tacos, burgers. The Doctor you go to, where did they go to school. What team do you follow and believe in. Chocolate or vanilla, malt or shake. What if you want a hotdog instead of a burger. Damn, is there anything that the feeling of right does not come into play.

My Obituary

2011-01-08T13:56:00.000-06:00

The Tension is Thick!

2011-01-06T11:31:00.000-06:00

Congress

2011-01-03T20:20:00.002-06:00

In 2011, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.
It is an ironic juxtaposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we will
look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.

Who would have thunkt it?

2010-12-30T19:37:00.000-06:00

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.

The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at

schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees and

' the pill

There wereno:

' credit cards

' laser beams or

' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers

' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, .. ... ... and then lived together..

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,

"Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and

group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common

sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up

and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger

privilege...

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and

weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or

guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our

radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy

Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam....

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a

nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps

to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' "grass" was mowed,

' "coke" was a cold drink,

' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and

' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,

' " chip" meant a piece of wood,

' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and

' "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband

to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.

How old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old lady in mind....you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same

time.

Are you ready ?????

This woman would be only 59 years old.

Oh No

2010-12-17T11:59:00.002-06:00

Will Prince William and Kate snub the Obamas?

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters

The president and first lady were dressed to the nines for a Kennedy Center Honorees Reception at the White House earlier this month -- but if the U.K. Daily Mail has it right, they won't need to break out their glad rags for Will and Kate's wedding.

The U.K. Daily Mail is reporting that President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama will not be invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton next April. The British tabloid cites "a senior courtier" as saying that "The guest list is still being drawn up and could change, but as things stand it’s right (to say Mr Obama will not be invited)."
The Mail claims that because William is not yet heir to the throne, the wedding is not an official state occasion and Will and Kate are more interested in having people who work for William's many charities and just plain folks among the 2,000 guests at their "people's wedding" than dignitaries and VIPs. However, the Mail says that French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni will likely be invited.
But state occasion or not, not inviting the Obamas would certainly be a break from tradition. In 1981, for example, President Ronald Reagan and wife Nancy were invited to the wedding of Charles and Diana (Nancy came, but the president, recovering from an assassination attempt, stayed home).
In assessing the credibility of the Mail's report, it should be noted that the tabloid has had to pay out hundreds of thousands of pounds in high-profile libel cases involving celebrities over the past decade alone. On the other hand, the newspaper has broken its share of scoops as well.

Memories of a 5 year old!

2010-12-09T10:26:00.000-06:00

It is a funny thing the way we remember things. It can be a picture, a conversation, a smell, a toy, just about anything. This is a picture of the car we had when I was 5. There was a big controversy in the family when got this car, so it has always stood out as a point of time in my life. Trips that we took to distant relatives homes, vacations, going to weddings, and funerals.
Seeing this picture brought memories of my Dad's Grandma Nora cascading out. Oh the visits we made to her in her little house in that little town. She was the sweetest lady, and how much my Dad adored her! Very crafty, making little monkey dolls out of socks that looked real to this 5 year old. I wanted one so badly, that she gave me one to take back home. Joy, joy, joy!!!! I loved her so much.
It was this same car that took us to something new, a funeral. Grandma Nora's Funeral. I asked my Dad, "why won't Grandma talk to me?" Dad explained me the best he could why she wouldn't talk to me. Of course this made me so sad that I cried. After the services we went to Grandma's house to eat. I loved eating at Grandma's house, but she wasn't there. There was a bunch of people there that I did not know. There was 2 old women fighting over one of Grandmas special plates. Grandma's house was not the way it was supposed to be! That was in 1959, and I have never been to that house again. Sometimes it is tough being 5.

Mango

Dear Abby,

2010-12-08T14:57:00.000-06:00

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems.
He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month,
if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money.
He says “pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest”,
but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us.
The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics
and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ,
and the next he's with Muslums.
Finally, the last straw…..

He's demanding that before anyone can
be in the same room with him,
they must sign a loyalty oath.
It's just so horribly creepy!
Can you help?

Signed, Lost in DC
_______________________________

Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle!! You can divorce the jerk any time you want.
The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!

The Magic Trick

2010-12-07T15:35:00.000-06:00

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so
the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he
started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!"
or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all
the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the
captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went
on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the f------ship?"

Christmas 2010

2010-12-04T10:07:00.002-06:00

Nancy Pelosi, Bless her heart!

2010-12-04T10:06:00.000-06:00

Poor thing! How is she going to make it now that she lost her super powers? As we say in Texas, Bless Her Heart!

Mango

Garbage Trucks

2010-12-04T10:01:00.002-06:00

Law of The Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy --and I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of The Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.

They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So -- Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is 10 percent what you MAKE IT and 90 percent how you TAKE IT!
Have a Garbage-Free Day!

More Signs and Sayings

2010-12-01T14:48:00.000-06:00

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

'Time wounds all heels.'

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

'We repair what your husband fixed.'

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'

**************************

On a Church's Bill board:

'7 days without God makes one weak.'

**************************

At a Tire Store

'Invite us to your next blowout..'

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

'Let us remove your shorts.'

**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:

'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

'Push. Push. Push..'

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

'We really know our stuff.'

**************************

On a Fence:

'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'

**************************

Outside a Car Exhaust Store:

'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'

**************************

In a Vets waiting room:

'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

'Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.'

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

RADIATOR SHOP:

'Best place in town to take a leak.'

**********************

Sign on the back of yet another

Septic Tank Truck:

'Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises'

Prayer

2010-12-01T11:32:00.000-06:00

Cowboy Poetry

Jake, the rancher, went one day
To fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty
And the clouds rolled gray and dense.

As he pounded the last staples in
And gathered tools to go,
The temperature had fallen,
And snow began to blow.

When he finally reached his pickup,
He felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition
He knew it wouldn't start.

So Jake did what most of us
Would do if we were there.
He humbly bowed his balding head
And sent aloft a prayer.

As he turned the key the last time,
He softly cursed his luck
They found him three days later,
Frozen stiff in that old truck.

Now Jake had been around in life
And done his share of roaming.
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked --
It looked just like Wyoming !

Of all the saints in Heaven,
His favorite was St. Peter .
So they sat and talked a minute or two,
Or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping' score --
In Heaven, time is free.

'I've always heard,' Jake said to Pete ,
'that God will answer prayers,
But the one time I asked for help,
Well, he just wasn't there.'

'Does God answer prayers of some,
And ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square --
I know all men are brothers.'

'Or does he randomly reply,
Without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
The weather or the season.'

'Now I ain't trying to act smart,
It's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering', could you tell me
What the heck's the deal?!'

Peter listened very patiently
And when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
And he said, 'So, you're the one!!'

That day your truck, it wouldn't start,
And you sent your prayer a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time,
With hundreds of us trying.'

'A thousand angels rushed,
To check the status of your file,
But you know, Jake , we hadn't heard
From you in quite a while.'

'And though all prayers are answered,
And God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
And started a truck in Minnesota '!

IT'S BEST TO KEEP I N TOUCH...

I am such a easy touch!

2010-11-27T20:08:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while we are requested to throw convention to the wind. The picture you see is the end result of my throwing. There is this little 7 year old girl that needed one more set of toes to work on, so guess who was selected. Yep, easy old me. It is hard to believe the power of hugs and kisses, along with sweet little words like "Please Pops, I promise you will be happy!"
Before you could shake a stick she was filing away on the nails. She worked on every part of my feet, spending about 20 minutes including a massage! After all of this pampering she asked the question,"what color do you want Pops?" I told her any one she wanted and of course she had her mind made up, 5 different colors it would be! She did such a fine job that a monthly appointment could be a part of my future. No, not really! However she did let me know that for Christmas the new job would be Red and Green, along with some little trees painted on. Can't wait!

Mango

Civic Duty!

2010-11-27T12:35:00.000-06:00

I saw a Muslim Extremist fall into the Rio Grande this morning. He was struggling to stay afloat, but he was failing, due to all the guns and bombs he was carrying! Along with him was a member of the Mexican Drug Cartel, who was struggling to stay afloat. Because of the large amount of drugs strapped to his back.
If they did not get help soon, they would surely drown! Because I always try to do my civic duty, I informed the El Paso Sheriffs Dept. and the Department of Homeland Security. It is now 4 pm and they still have not responded to help.
My question is "did i waste money on buying those two stamps?"

Oh Well,

Mango

Something to think about.

2010-11-23T16:11:00.000-06:00

As we advance in life, we learn the limits of our ability.
Henry Ford

I feel safer now!! Obama steps up searches on suspected terrorists!

2010-11-21T21:03:00.000-06:00

This suspect is a member of the Rosary Committee, an arm of the Radical Church Mothers, whose stated goal is make children behave at home and in public. Their goals are so evil and contrary to the Obama Administration, they felt a need for stepped up airport security. Paddles are the number 1 weapon of choice. Forced confessions and prayers also play a part in their method of operation. You have been warned!

Mango

Grey Hair!

2010-11-19T22:57:00.000-06:00

If you are one of those people that has weathered the storms of life, long enough to become grey headed. Congratulations are in order for you. That means you are now ready for the nursing home!
So now you are saying" I am in perfect health! I have all my teeth! Man, I am not even sixty years old yet, why the nursing home?"
Just as we did when we were 35, the grey hair means old. Old means that we forgot how to live and work. Old means we aren't capable of learning anything new. Anyway, that is what some kid, 30 years old told me the other day. His turn is coming!

Mango

I mad this mistake once. Just once!

2010-11-19T22:45:00.000-06:00

Bad mistake, women do not find that comment funny!

Mango

Bigotry!

2010-11-19T07:17:00.000-06:00

There was an old man, about 75, that was mean and hateful. He used every racial, religious, ethnic slur known to mankind. I asked him why he was such a racist? His response, " I am not a racist, I hate everyone the same!"

Mango

My Dog

2010-11-18T10:15:00.000-06:00

Please be advised I am sick of receiving questions about my dog who mauled
3 Muslims sitting on a rug next to my back wall, 6 illegals wearing Obama
t-shirts, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi t-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators
who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging
down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken
English, 10 flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver.
FOR THE LAST TIME... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!

Mango

Lost and Found

2010-11-17T14:09:00.000-06:00

My 5 year old grandson and I went to the Mall. Just a looking around trip, until he saw the toy store. Man, he was gone like a bullet, out of sight before I could catch him. There was a lot of people milling about, I asked everyone if they had seen the little runaway? No was the answer. Before long the announcement came out thru the PA system, "Pops Mango, come to Chili's please!"
Off I went. There he was, with mall security, waiting for me. He had told the people in the toy store that his pops was lost. They asked him, "what is his name and what is he like?" The young stool pigeon said, "women with big boobs, cold beer, and Chili's ." So we brought him here, and paged you.
Grandma is going to have a fit over this one.

Mango

True Love!

2010-11-15T12:34:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I took a short trip north. Yes sir, it was to Las Vegas on the Red, The Red River. In the middle of the nowhere Oklahoma is the promise, of extreme wealth.
So excited was I, that when the turn into the parking lot came up, we made the turn on two wheels, in my pickup. The truck was barely stopped when we all jumped out and started running for the door, Wealth was Waiting! Still running, the guys in the blue jackets slowed us down, and told us to get our I.D.s, then we could enter the Casino.
After what seemed like several hours, we had our I.D.s and we walked into a world of sounds, smells, flashing lites. Had we entered Heaven? Where do I start? It turned out the answer was right in front of me, The Aztec's Gold. I only have $50 to spend, and this machine is only a penny. I put a $20 in the machine, thinking that would be enough, pushed the spin button, lights flashed, wheels spun and bells rang. I just knew that I was a millionaire, waiting, waiting, waiting. Please Play again. What? So I hit the button again, same story, same answer. What should I do? I tried a few more times, still not a single win. So I decided to cash out, hit the button and got back 75cents out of 20 bucks. I called for an attendant and said," I thought a penny machine meant a penny." She replied and mentioned the button I was using was the Max Bet button. Max Bet! Whats that? So she explained it so I could understand. Oh well, stupid on my part, time to look around and see the sights.
There are many Bars and Fancy Cafes, Gift Shops, Poker Tables, and don't forget The Machines! As the self guided tour continued, IT HAPPENED, THE LIGHTS DIMMED, THE SOUNDS STOPPED, AND IT APPEARED THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SHINED A LIGHT DOWN WITH THE ANGELS SINGING. THERE SHE WAS, RED HOT RUBY. This was a sign that great fortune was just in reach, and my day would be a success. Yes Sir, I was about to become a Millionaire. Ruby looked at me and smiled, she was so trusting in her look, such honest eyes. She wanted me and I wanted her to bless me with great fortune. I seemed to float to her waiting arms and put the Last $30 I had in the money slot. Hit the button and waited. Defeat. Please play again. Ruby seemed to whisper, "I was just teasing, try again, it will be better, Promise!" So the Promise Button was pushed again, this time I won a dollar back. Is this divine? Ruby speaks again,"trust me, all I want to do is please you and make you rich!" With this promise, all worries are now gone. Riches, here I come! I just start pushing the button, lites are flashing, bells and buzzers, Ruby's nervous laughter. After a while, when I look at my balance, shock and doom hit me like a bull in a rodeo. There is only enough money left for 1 more spin. "Ruby, you promised to make me rich, you said not to worry, whats the deal," I asked and continued, " You know that is all the money I have!" Ruby whispered back, "I saved the best for last, just to please you. Go ahead, and push the button big boy!" The sound of her voice was angelic and intoxicating. Mash the promise button one more time. The wheels start spinning and bells ringing. Spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, finally the first wheel stops on the Jackpot Icon! The second wheel slow down, slowly, slower, Wow it stops on the Jackpot! One more wheel and I win $10,000 cash. The wheel spins for what seems like an hour. Now it is slowing, slowing, slowing, almost stopped, the Jackpot is coming up, getting closer. Ruby is about to give me that big old winning kiss! Closer, closer, closer, just a little more, new tires for my pickup and a new saddle for my horse, there it is, THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS.... DAMN!! THE WHEEL STOPPED JUST SHORT OF THE JACKPOT. I dropped my head, Ruby laughed as I turned and walked away. Then on the way out, sat Barbie's Golden Treasure. I will see you next time Barbie.

Mango

Betting on Races

2010-11-10T12:54:00.000-06:00

Never bet on the Muslim Race Driver if the race is in the afternoon.
The 3 o'clock prayers will get you every time!!

Mango

What will they think of next?

2010-11-10T12:49:00.000-06:00

I heard that a new Star Wars movie is coming out. This one is about Yoda's illegitimate son. It seems as if Yoda and Mr. T's mother had a tryst. This is going to be a riveting story, don't you think?

Mango

Be Carefull What You Wish For!

2010-11-08T15:33:00.000-06:00

How many times have we wished for a million dollars cash, because all our woes could be fixed? An old man said to when I was young,"if I had all the money in the world, I would pay off what I could and just let the other bills ride.
Why do little girls dream of being a princess, little boys of being a football player, or whatever the wish of the day is? The movie, 3 Coins, is about 3 young American women that go to Rome to find their fairy tale Prince and happiness. Success, in their case, was not completely realized.
What about wishing to be a football coach. That is scary in and of its self, and that is enough to turn this movie into a Horror Show.

Mango

The Safest and Most Secure Job in America

2010-11-08T15:30:00.000-06:00

I think that it would be safer to be on this boat in the storm, than to be a Coach for a Football Team.

Mango

Could it be?

2010-11-08T13:55:00.002-06:00

    *Woman shot in the head*

    Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her
    in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up
    some groceries.

    Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway
    with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands
    behind the back of her head.

    He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that
    Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her
    if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the
    back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

    The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because
    the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from
    her head.

    When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread
    dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had
    exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a
    gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When
    she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
    thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly
    recovered.

    Linda is blonde, a Democrat and an Obama supporter, but that could
    all be a coincidence.

Mango

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover!

2010-11-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

Not all things are as good as they appear! Just because someone who has nothing wins the lottery, does that make them financial geniuses ? Set back and enjoy.

Mango

His Trump Card did not work!

2010-11-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

The current POTUS seems to have a mess on his hands. The places where he campaigned, the candidates/incumbents lost. The areas he avoided were not as bad. Do you ever get the feeling that he thinks that he knows what we need more so than we do. When you go to the Dr. it is common for him to say that we know how medicines effect us more than he does. Maybe, it is the wish of a lot of people to have their life planned out, down to what we eat, what we watch, and perhaps, Who We Worship!

Mango

East meets West!

2010-11-01T11:57:00.000-05:00

I want one of these cars. They are really tough and surely they have a good warranty. And wow, what a rough testing process they go thru.
Mango

You Lie!!!!

2010-10-29T21:28:00.000-05:00

It is uncanny, that when a politician gets caught lying or stealing, the speed that they divert the blame is unreal. The speed of light is creeping in comparison to the speed of their lies. There is no way to measure it with current knowledge.

Mango

Whats the Point?

2010-10-29T21:16:00.000-05:00

My Buying is Done

2010-10-28T11:34:00.000-05:00

I was looking for ideas for gifts for the holidays. So while looking in some old magazines for some old time gifts, I came across this outstanding idea. Some may not like the gift, but they can always take it to store and get 6 or 7 bucks back. Taking gifts back is normal, so why be offended. The others will be joyful. What about the kids you ask, well I thought about them too, they get the candy version. Can't leave them out, can we. My shopping is all done now, and think about this, I wont be running about frantically looking for gifts at the last moment. Yes indeed, now everyone will know that I care!

Mango

Is It Time?

2010-10-25T21:10:00.000-05:00

I told my assistant that it might be time for her to retire. She told me that when I get out of the hospital, she might consider it.

Mango

GOD IS HATE???

2010-10-25T11:50:00.000-05:00

According to this guy, Fred Phelps Sr. and his church, The Westboro Baptist Church, he is. Did God decide that he would give Phelps all of his judgement duties, because Phelps would do a better job? Why wasn't anyone told about God suspending his judgement powers?
The last thing that I heard was that God is Love, and humans judge. Much to these different religions chagrin, there is only one God.

Mango

Does most everthing belong in--

2010-10-24T19:34:00.000-05:00

The question has been presented; What belongs in the Land of Make Believe. Lets try some things and see if they fit.
Video games, online games, chain e-mails, online petitions, fake identity, there are so many more. Shoot em to me if you will.

Mango

Rules for Employment

2010-10-21T18:16:00.000-05:00

I worked for the man that wrote these rules. He was in Plano of course.

Mango

Top Advice

2010-10-21T11:22:00.000-05:00

You will have defeats in life. You only FAIL if you Surrender!!!!

Mango

Joy or Pain. What is life, really?

2010-10-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of a girl that was about 10 yrs old. She had a life shortening disease that made her age about 9 years to 1 lived. The oldest she can live is about 14 years. It is a fatal disease called Progeria. I lost a cousin to Progeria. What is her life, Joy or Pain?

I know a lady that had Stage 4 Cervical Cancer. She underwent radical treatment which saved her life. She has made it 20+ years so far. The side affects of the treatment is multiple trips to the hospital every year for all the things that were damaged in the treatment. Tough lady. What is her life, Joy or Pain?

A family loses their 18 year old son to a middle of the day, angry, upset, drunk driver. This was the baby of the family. Drunk Driver never had anything charged against him. Joy or Pain?

People are suffering all around us, some want due to being lazy. Some can not help themselves, they need a hand up and not a hand out. They still have pride so they are embarrassed to ask for help. Joy or Pain?

I said all this for a reason. You all know me, there is a reason. I had a Preacher tell me that all these people have to go to hell when they die. Why, you may ask. Because none of these people belong to his religion. You decide. Do any of these people deserve to go to the preachers hell, or have they had quite enough hell here in this body?

Mango

Thinking! Paradoxical Thought For The Day.

2010-10-20T14:17:00.000-05:00

Fathom the odd hypocrisy, that Obama wants every citizen to prove that they are insured. But people don't have to prove they are citizens!
attrib: Ben Stein

Mango

What?

2010-10-14T15:38:00.001-05:00

I understand that Homer has started a new religion. Beer and doughnuts for all.

Mango

War Without End?

2010-10-12T09:34:00.003-05:00

Did you know that in the 3500 years of recorded history, there has been only 230 years that a war was not being fought. So we have peace just 1.6% of the time. Are humans capable of peace and harmony? Why do people want to rule the world. This guy doesn't trust that guy who doesn't trust him. People fighting for peace. Violent protests for peace. Tell us all how peace can be achieved ? If there was a perfect leader, there would be a vocal opposition making lots of noise. Is anybody ever really happy on this planet? The real purpose of this hell we live in is to help to look forward without fear.

Mango

Something New

2010-10-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

This should be my new look at life. I have loaned large amounts of money to people, none of which has paid me back.

Mango

I may have seen the light!

2010-10-11T16:03:00.000-05:00

Do you think that he is telling the truth? Oh I am sorry, he never learned to tell the truth.

Mango

How Come?

2010-10-11T15:37:00.000-05:00

A young Arab boy asks his father:

What is this strange hat that we are wearing?

It's a "chechia" - because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun.

And what is this weird type of clothing that we are wearing?

It's a "djbellah" - because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!

And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?

These are "babouches" - which keep us from burning our feet on the hot desert sand!

Tell me, papa...

Yes, my son?

Why are we living in Dearborn - and still wearing all of this stuff?

Mango

OMG

2010-10-08T15:53:00.000-05:00

Somethings just make me say OMG, what are they thinking?

Mango

Karma does not play well with others.

2010-10-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

I might be the only one that does this, look back on why I let people screw me over. It was so easy to blame the devil or evil forces. Those people had deceived me. The evil bastards! I just felt so sorry for myself, crying was not out of the question. The politicians had told us all that happy days are here again, there would be a chicken in every pot. Gas in every tank. The Government would tuck us in so nice and secure, safer than a mothers arms. How about that money that we loaned and never were payed back, they seemed so sincere. How many events can be brought back to memory. How about that time when nothing but rudeness was shown to us, a complete stranger. Being hateful to our kids.
Personally, I don't care anymore about those things. I repeat that statement many times a day. Some of those people that were on top of the world and judging me so harshly have now been visited by Karma. But in the great scheme of things, pay back does not really matter. Karma will handle the payback.
It was once said," holding anger and wanting revenge at any cost is very much like drinking poison, then waiting on the other person to die!"

Mango

Who would have ever thought it would come to this?

2010-10-03T14:35:00.000-05:00

I spoke to a friend that informed me he had just attended his 40th high school reunion. He said that there was no way he went to school with all those old people!
It seems that now if you are a Christian, you are guilty of a hate crime. No reason needed. But killing Christians is okay. Reason, the killers are just a little too zealous in their beliefs, and that makes it okay.
When did owing money to any one become a good thing? Good Debt? Really?
There was a rally at the Capitol for Socialists recently. They left a huge amount of trash. But that is okay, they hugged a tree on the way out.
I do not believe the words of any politician! Politician is the synonym of liar.
It would not shock me if the U.S.A. broke up into 4 or 5 smaller countries. The people in Washington D.C. are dividing all the people into separate groups, who are tired of the ruling class mentality. Those people make up rules for something to do. Paperwork for what reason? Only they know for sure.
I feel so fortunate to having grown up in the 50's and 60's. Lots of changes but we did not have laws on laws. If you got into trouble, the cop would call your Dad. If you got caught with beer, he made you pour it out in front of him, then he called your dad. Schools were not entertainment centers, we went there to learn the 3 R's. Not some test that some guy named Perot felt was needed. Oh thats right, he is rich from government contracts, so he knows better.
I am going to vote in the upcoming election, I just hope my vote really does count. But who knows, maybe we get the Daley treatment again.

Mango

Whose Religion is the Best?

2010-09-13T22:37:00.001-05:00

The news lately is just full of venom and hate. This religion is mad at that religion because this religion called that religion unbelievers. Okay? Is the statement true or not? If you don't adhere to their faith and beliefs, then you actually are an unbeliever. On the other hand, if they don''t follow your religion then they are unbelievers. Of course that calls for bombings, murder, war, you name it, to stop the spread of that evil religion.
Could the rest of the world be told what these know it all religion experts know, so that we can settle the spiritual matters and get on with feeding starving people. I do not follow any one preacher or teacher because I am perfectly comfortable learning on my own. Just study the foundation of any so-called faith, get into the inner workings of that faith, then see if you blindly follow Rev. Soandso. I might be a handful if one of my grand kids was brain washed into blowing himself up in the name of some BS religion.
What about all the environmental folks, the vegans, gays and lesbians, Republicans, Democrats, elitists, northerners, southerners, it seems as if everyone has a religious axe to grind. Why do I call it religious? Just ask yourself," what do I spend the most time thinking about?" Whatever it is, that is your true love, with a strong chance of it bordering on being your faith.

Oh well, I have pissed off enough people for now, I am just tired of hearing the people on TV and Radio telling me to send my money to God, just use their address. By the way, if I do something heroic and I am awarded 77 virgins, do I get to go back to being 25? I need to check the fine print.

Mango

Things, They Are A Changing!!

2010-09-13T21:43:00.000-05:00

Trans - Am 2010


Trans - Am 1968

Another Drunk Driver off the road!

2010-08-29T13:04:00.001-05:00

About 2:30 this morning, I was awakened with a very uneasy feeling. I thought that it was just the urge to go to the bathroom. So back to bed it was, uneasy feeling still there, trying to go back to sleep. Getting more and more frustrated, I just got up about 4:00, made coffee, and went out and sat on the porch. I am sitting there with my solitude, sipping hot coffee, suddenly bright lights show up on the road, and they aren't moving any where. My house is about 250 ft off the FM road that runs next to my little 4 acre yard, so off I go being nosy about who is out there. I don't get visitors at 4:30 in the morning. I walk out past the end of the house and see 2 Sheriffs cars, red and blues flashing. Speeder ? A few moments later the Aubrey Fire Dept and EMS showed up, Whats Up? I am sitting out in my north field watching, I might be Curious Cat. What happened?
About 2 hours later, still dark outside, the EMS brings someone up the side of the road, in a bag on the gurney. The DPS is here now and they look at the drivers ID, and I overheard the comment," DWI", and he asked, " did he have any prior arrests or convictions for DWI" ?
Sometime around 2:30 this driver ran off the road and flipped his car. He was crushed by the roof of his car, requiring the jaws of life to get his body free. He was discovered by someone driving by that took the time to call 911. It is not known how long he lived after the crash, what a crappy end to his life, so many questions, luckily he was alone. Around 6:45 the tow truck showed up, quickly picking up the terribly mangled wreck while the DPS videoed the entire affair. All the players in this play left about 7am, all flashing lights were off.

Mango

Whats Stuffed in Your Console?

2010-08-18T11:33:00.000-05:00

When I buy a car for personal use or resale, I always go thru every crevice and cranny the car has. And having done this several hundred times I have developed a idea about the true behavior and habits of people. Finding year old french fries, ketchup packs, mustard packs, used toothpicks, forks, spoons, CD's, old batteries, broken cell phones and chargers. Should I go on? No, I'll save you the boredom. What is so surprising about the hidden contents is one of disbelief, that these seemingly upper crust people, have a secret life. Always hungry, lazy, sloppy, dirty, need music, sneaking a drink, fear of a breakdown. Maybe, or they are just hogs wearing a silk shirt.

Mango

I Just Heard the News

2010-08-14T23:48:00.003-05:00

I suppose that I might as well learn something about our grand children's religion. I guess that if the President endorses them and their mosque at ground zero, we might as well get ready for the change. The media and congress support him and all his ideas, and what we the people desire is not an option. We might as well get ready for the change. Happy Ramadan!

Mango

What Will They Think Of Next

2010-08-14T21:49:00.003-05:00

Who ever designed this Motorcycle has a very vivid imagination.

Mango

Where Did All The Mullets Go?

2010-08-13T21:55:00.004-05:00

It only seems like yesterday that the Mullet was so popular that there was no way to count them. Man, do I miss them! Not really.

Mango

Shock of My Life!

2010-08-06T15:47:00.004-05:00

A couple of days ago, after spending the day outside with 100+ degree temperatures, I finally got to go home. I was so tired, that to get in the door was a challenge. So when I got inside, I grabbed a drink and sat down. About 30 minutes later there was a loud banging, knocking, and scratching at the door. Who is at the door and what is the emergency? So I got up and went to the door, opened it and I was totally blown away with what was there! Do you know what was there? I am sure you will be as shocked as me, it was my butt draggin in!

Mango

Dashed Hopes

2010-08-02T19:47:00.002-05:00

The surefire e-mail rumor was a big hoax!!! I feel so ashamed, I did not send on to the other 20 people. That must mean I don;t love my country, my God, my family, etc. I be back when I stop crying!

Mango

Is It Real?

2010-08-01T10:15:00.004-05:00

I received an email that is rather shocking. The message said that Fox would do a complete reveal of the current POTUS, August 1, at 9:00 PM Eastern. I don't know how much truth is in the e-mail or if it is a joke. But does it really matter, selling out is the way of this world today!

Mango

I Did Not Know

2010-07-21T15:23:00.002-05:00

I must not pay attention to much. My refrigerator decided to stop working, it was a shock to me when I had to take a second mortgage to pay for it. I had to buy tires for my pickup, the cost required me to refinance my truck. I got a tax bill for some property I own, the appraised value is just at two times the amount I will sell it for. Some young woman who happens to be an actress, is put in jail for being an idiot, and the term is cut down because she is famous. Why am I supposed to care? The price for everything goes up! Why does our income stay the same? When is rich, rich enough? I am not upset or do I care, my life is good. Compared to most people on earth, I live like a King. Remember, I do live in heaven, aka TEXAS!

Mango

The New Law, that nobody told me about.

2010-07-20T17:39:00.003-05:00

I learned today that if you are driving an SUV, it is okay to turn right out of the left lane. But you are required to be talking on the cell phone to make this maneuver completely legal! I learn something new everyday. So look out when any shopping area is close by. Good Luck!

Mango

Wally-World Drivers License?

2010-07-19T15:45:00.002-05:00

I was walking around the mall (Wally-World) just enjoying my new found ability to see. Looking at the plants, electronics, and of course the tools, then all of a sudden I was almost knocked to the floor! One of the Cart-People hit me, then just glared at me. Well, I can now see to run away, so I did. Now I believe Ralph's story! His story is coming soon. Meanwhile, somebody needs to teach these people common courtesy! Perhaps there should be a driving school, and don't forget the Cart Police giving those drivers tickets and fining them. Scary!

Mango

Missing In Action

2010-07-18T22:01:00.002-05:00

Now that I am back among the living, being able to see and all, back to the Grill and Bar it is. Expecting to get a big Welcome Home, nope, there were missing posters everywhere, with my picture on them. The manager said they had almost given up hope and declared me dead, or just very missing. All of this stirred my heart, so I asked for a beer.
I was able to catch up on the people that were always there, some moved away, and some just quit coming in. "What about Ralph" I asked? They told me that he had a run in with a bunch of people on carts at Wally World. "He is just not the same"he said. So I am going to call Ralph and get his side of the story, this should be a treat. So I will be back shortly with Ralph's tales of woe.

Mango

Now I Can See!!

2010-07-18T19:30:00.000-05:00

It has now been several days since since the Dr.s surgically removed the impedance to my ability to see. Yes, at my tender age of 56, there was a cataract blocking my vision. Please believe me, I am not a big fan of the medical scene. There is no chance of me ever becoming a Dr.s' groupie. But the people at the hospital almost changed my mind. These people were outstanding, very friendly and the consummate professionals. I waited in the lobby until the time of the knife. My name was called and I was led back to pre-op. Funny thing, you walk in, but they roll you out, just askin? Anyway, back to the story. The Nurse hooked up the wires, put in the iv, perhaps because I was telling a lot of jokes and stirring things up, that is why nurse showed me what she could do with the iv port in my hand. Good stuff, whatever it was. They woke me up for the surgery and off we went to the OR. There was people in white standing around, chatting, until I got there, then the party began. They taped over my good eye, and taped the right eye wide-open, and covered the rest of my face for surgery. As I am laying there, thinking will this ever be over? All of a sudden there is this strange noise you only hear in science fiction movies, it sounded like they were having a Light-Sabre battle right there, in the OR! I started to speak to the Surgeon, he mumbled something, and back to sleep I went.
The next thing I recognize is the light in the ceiling, with a nurse standing over me, saying" Wake up Mango, they're done. It is time for you to go." Nothing seems different to me, can't see anything with my right eye. Duh! It comes to my attention that there is a huge patch on that eye. They put me in a wheelchair and roll me to the door. As the nurse kicks me out on the curb, she says "Don't forget your Dr. appt. in the am. He will take the bandage off, and don't do it yourself!" As I started pulling on the tape, the nurse said, rather mother-like " I SAID LEAVE IT ALONE, THE DOCTOR WILL TAKE THE BANDAGE OFF, TOMORROW!!" So I put my head down in shame, poor me, then got into the car and left.
Off to the house I go, a big nap is my goal. I wanted to sleep like a baby, because my face and the top top of my head were still numb and starting to sting from the party. I was completely exhausted! When I got home, I went in and fell across the bed, hoping for sweet relief. Mission accomplished. I woke up the next morning, giddy as kid on Christmas morning. My hopes were high, positive that it all was fixed and back to normal.. My friend picks me up and we head for the appointment. When I arrive there was no need for me to sign-in at the Dr.s, my reputation preceded me, to the lobby we go. After the pre-set time had passed, I reported back to the Dr.s office for the first follow up. At the unveiling , the official removal of the patch, there appeared to be 2 of everything. Which made me glad that a friend of mine drove me to the Dr. It would have been a nightmare if I had driven, the dually is a little wider than most cars, so it was a lot cheaper to buy his gas! So anyway, the vision being double, walking became a bit of a challenge. There was steep steps everywhere I went, I felt like a cat with socks on. Then the duh moment; Just close one eye, suddenly things are normal again, so then I was finally able to take the cat's socks off. Several days have now passed and things are getting normal again. It is so nice to have both eyes operating at the same time! Of course you know I had to say it, yes sir I did. I said " Doc, I thought I had ordered a Lincoln, I didn't know I was going to get a Cataract!" The Dr. just shook his head.

Mango

Half-Blind

2010-07-11T18:22:00.005-05:00

The day is almost here that should change my life. Going to try to eliminate a handicap from my life. The doctors are going to do surgery on my right eye. This is the day, that I thought would never arrive! My fear was that for the rest of my days, my right eye would be blind. Now, when all this happened to me, it seemed that it was just a temporary result of the trauma I was going thru. Just stress, I knew it!! I am bullet proof. WRONG!!! Needless to say, the lack of one eye changes everything in your life, it destroys our ability to do just the simple thing that are part of life, eat, drive, play golf, even mow the grass. I went to a movie a while back, and I was asked if I wanted to go to the 3D version? Really? There is very little depth perception when you only have one eye. Well, there is no need to talk about the horrors of this malady. If you ever want to get the feel, get an eye patch from the pharmacy, leave it on for a day, then report back to me that it was easy. Yes sir, it is lucky me, it is over on Monday!!

Mango

Are Things Changing?

2010-07-10T21:34:00.005-05:00

I have noticed that several people that I follow on this Blog thing are calling it quits. The joy that is given to me by their words is a highlight to my day, I sure am gonna miss them! Some of the others, myself included, are not Blogging as often as they once did. Why?
I tend to think that we all get tired! Unlike some, who are self-important, that their ego drives them to share the perfect thoughts coming from their perfect minds, and the overwhelming need, to attack anyone who disagrees with them. Man, things are really screwed up right now! Don't start pointing a finger. It is not the fault of any one person, it is our fault for not being vigilant! We voted for the bastards! We are wanting and demanding more from government. The rich will pay. We complain about corporate greed! But we watch their movies, and TV programs. We buy their products, and use their banks.
If we are political all the time, what are we then? If we are always hammering about religion, is that all there is? Who is correct and has it all figured out? Back in the late 60's, there was this guy that stood on the same street corner, preaching at the top of his lungs! He did this for several months, and no one ever really knew what his message was.
I can only change me, no one else. My next step is make an old VW bug go a 100mph on the Bonneville Salt Flats. So remember, Go Mango, Go Mango, Go Mango Go!!
By the way, I am not done, I've got some new stories to share.

Mango

Middle Age Madness, My give a damn is broken!!! LOL

2010-07-05T19:24:00.003-05:00

I have decided to take the challenge and make a 1950's VW Bug go over 100 mph. Some of you old enough will remember, how slow those old bugs were, holding up traffic, people honking trying to get those drivers to speed up. It was basically impossible to get a Speeding Ticket.
You might ask, well I did say might, what is so special about going 100mph in an old 1950s Bug? Did I mention the call of Fame and Glory and how intoxicating they can be! The sound of that sewing machine sized engine, humming along, it is better than a pace maker! I just get goose bumps thinking about that sound. The efforts needed to compete are substantial, the car must be an original car, and the engine must be a stock 36 hp, with no modifications! As a comparison, today's yard tractors have almost as much horsepower as these old Bugs have. The stock vehicle must be built perfectly within the factory specs. No aerodynamic modifications are allowed, and the car must be street legal with tags and inspection up to date. With the record standing right now at 75mph, the record going up about 2mph per year, it makes 100mph quite a reach! If we could use one of the late model engines that have over 200 hp, oh, that would be too easy and the challenge would cease to exist! So Fame and Glory here we come in a Stone Stock 36hp Bug!! Oh by the way, the picture is of another crazy old man's Bug, running the challenge.
I will provide updates and let all know what is happening, sharing my madness and boundless insanity.

Mango

Convert or Die, Infidel!!!

2010-06-20T12:52:00.004-05:00

As I was perusing some of the other Blogs, there was a story about the dedicated door knockers, disturbing that Blogger at home. The visit was unwanted and was not welcomed. This being an event that is happening all over, often with the same results, with different players, it brought the story of a recent event to mind.
A friend died, within a year of their spouse's death, and the funeral was in a small church west of Jacksboro. The preacher informed all that was there that God is very angry with us! That if we did not repent, it would be us in that box tomorrow. We were also informed that God put us there to hear his message, it was our last chance. Little mention was made about the loved one, Just some 30 something preacher beating his chest and making his bigotry known to all.
If this was an isolated incident, I could mark it up to ignorance. But the man was educated and has degrees in his faith. Bigotry is in everything we experience every day of our lives. Liberals and Conservatives, all races, and all sorts of movements. What does PETA think of anyone that eats meat, trains animals, wears leather or fur. The Church in the middle ages tortured people until they converted, then they killed them so they would remain true.
Does Islam in its pure form give anybody else a break. The uber rich, how much time do they spend hanging out with the poor folks. The elitist know that they are better informed and we should let them make all of our decisions for us. Of course different rules apply to them, they are better than us, as we should know.
All this That I have listed is just the tip of the Iceberg. Bigotry is everywhere, and it is a fact of the human experience, our journey in this flesh. I do not even begin to think that any of these people are even close to being correct. It seems that if you follow the money, you will find the basis of all these true religions, the different movements, awareness groups. I bet that the top officials of these groups are not the true believers their followers think they are. I was involved with a big time Televangelist. Being part of this monstrosity was eye-opening, and sickening. The people at the very top did preach to us, the sermon of remember the bottom line. And by the way don't forget your appearance!
I have one big question, if everyone is the only one that is correct, who is actually right? I guess we will all find out when we get to the other side.

Mango

Evolving into a Sexy Guy

2010-05-12T13:24:00.002-05:00

I don't know what an eye patch does, except evoke strong reactions. Because of the act of living, I am now the lucky recipient of an eye patch. It doesn't bother me because that eye quit working a while back. Life I guess.
So those of you that know me understand the fun I have because of the aforementioned affliction. The questions and comments are priceless. As I walked into Wally World the other day a little girl exclaimed loudly, " look Mommy, a pirate"! The poor mother just melted over the little girl, she must of thought I was going to pull my Sabre and off her head. I laughed out loud to try and soften the embarrassment.
A young woman asked me why was I wearing an eye-patch? I told because I have a bad eye. As quickly as I answered the first question, she asked," which eye is my bad eye?" Amazing, these are the ones that will be taking care of us soon. Scary!
There are always kids commenting, and I take the time to explain to them what is going on, they are just kids. However, I did get a compliment from a 30 something woman. She told me the eye patch was mysterious and sexy. Funny, my biggest mystery is what is for supper.

Mango

On a Cold Saturday Night!!

2010-03-21T13:05:00.005-05:00

So last Saturday night, I was invited to play a Hold-em game, with a group of about 15 players. The weather was terrible, so being inside seemed like a great idea. I hate cold weather! Now, with my skill level being what it is, my expectations were not very high. I thought it was going to be just a beating or more probable a good donation opportunity!
So the game began, with the usual sizing up of each other. The plethora of personalities, ranging from loud, to church mouse quiet. Such a variety of really nice people, the kind that you really would want for friends. It is such a lot of fun to watch how some people broadcast the contents of their hand, while others are trying to remain, so cool. Usually, when someone is trying play it cool, they have pocket aces, wanting the other players to think they have nothing. That is part of the fun, trying to spot a bluff when it is happening.
The seats were set, and the game began. The first hand, I got beat like a drum. What was next? Two more bad hands, that I folded. So thinking I would be the first one out, and fearing the embarrassment, I got the shock of all shocks! I started winning! The next 6 or 7 hands were mine! What a new, exciting, experience for me. So, I tried to lose a couple of hands, thinking all the while it was all a dream, but the winning continued. Man, the poker gods were smiling on me! So needless to say, it was off to the final table. I had taken out some very seasoned players, the green pea was winning.
When we started the winners table, the luck changed, or perhaps it was the skill level changed. At this table sat the lady that is the admitted master, she is so good that she is always in the money. Another lady sitting at this table is the queen of bluff, you can never tell what she has in her hand. A couple of guys that play with a lot of regularity, very strong players. A guy that is new, that has more personalities than Sybil. As a matter of fact, he has so many personalities, we weren't sure who was going to show up, every hand. With this guy, change was the norm. Then of course there was me, feeling like a fish out of water. My first time at the winners table. I had never been invited to the winners table, because of the losing factor. Success, here I come!
The hand starts out with the Bluffing Queen as the dealer. I got a 3 and a 7 off suite, so I fold. The Queen takes the hand. Soon the big blind falls to me, it is 500,1000, not chump change. The poker gods smile again and I win with pocket aces. That next hand the show began. The wild guy assumed the persona of a very overt gay guy. He would squeal with joy when he got his cards, bet wildly, and he drove the bluffing queen crazy. He out bluffed her! It was for a big pot, and broke her Mojo, I might add! Man, was she pissed! But, do you think he stopped there, oh hell no! He had everyone at the table laughing so hard, to keep the ball rolling, he decided to become someone else. This time he became an old time, black, holiness preacher. He shouted, "praise the lord" with every card! He shouted, "thank you Jesus", every time someone folded. It was like there was an old time revival taking place. We were all laughing so hard, that tears were running down our faces. The wild man kept on winning, out bluffing the queen to the point of owning her.
Was that the end? No! He went after the master next. He began speaking with a french accent, trying to woo her over to his side. No one was safe. I can truly say that he brought a new element of fun to the game. It was worth it to me! I came in second, thanks to the wild one. And we all had to admit that it was more fun than a barrel of monkeys. I am pretty sure he will show up at the next game! Well, I should say, his body will be there. But who will he be? We will find out soon enough!
Mango

Texas March Madness

2010-03-19T08:58:00.004-05:00

Listening to the network and local weather forecasts is becoming a beating. All of these weather stars have more excuses than Carter has pills. You may ask why I watch this dribble? It is some sort of perverse joy in watching the self righteous fall, get it wrong, then blame the gods that they were wrong.
The weather is ever changing here in North Texas, and of course it has to bigger and badder than anywhere else on earth! With it being March, the first day of Spring near, history should teach us that we will have a one more good freeze. No planting until after Easter! Remember straw hats, okay to plant. Felt hats, need to wait!
My Grandmother was correct in her country ways. She said," There are only two kinds of people that predict North Texas weather, fools and newcomers." She added, " I don't know anybody new!"

Mango

Help Me Understand

2010-03-12T11:45:00.005-06:00

I am the proverbial pain in the neck guy, always wanting to know why. This is considered a bad trait to those in control, who hate to be questioned! But, I am happy to be the way I am. It is those commands, that do not make sense, that make me question the logic of the command giver. Does adhering to wishes of the controllers make us intelligent? Is that behavior required of us to accomplish a higher status in life?
Taking a look at the politics of our government, how frustrated we can become. How is it a small select group of "thinkers, also known as the rich", know what is better for our lives? How can these people be so pompous as to believe they should tell us, the population what to do and how to do it?
Who are the financiers to the super rich? Who is so rich, that they loan money to the Arab oil states? It is hard to fathom such incredible wealth. Are these the same family's that loaned money to both warring factions in WW ll?
Who controls the state and city governments. Who controls all the local banks? Who actually controls the ACLU? How does a nutcase group get all their money? Who finances PETA, Greenpeace, the KKK, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton? The list is endless.
I suppose, that very few of my questions will be ever answered, at least, while I am in this skin.

The Empty Suit Strikes Again

2010-03-04T06:31:00.004-06:00

Mango

Ralph's Wit and Wisdom

2010-03-02T14:46:00.002-06:00

Ralph, the guy with the talking dog, offered up some wisdom the other day. He said that he never dated any woman with little feet! Everyone there asked at the same time why. So Frank said," if a woman with little feet ever gets fat, it makes them very hard to live with!" All of the crowd wanted to know why, so he continued," I am married to a woman with big feet, she got fat, and cranky. Think how cranky she would have become if she had little feet!"
Good ol Ralph.

Mango

Obama's New Tax

2010-02-23T09:10:00.002-06:00

This is how we should pay the new taxes that the empty suit wants to levee.

Mango

H/T Melissa

Watching Paint Dry

2010-02-18T13:15:00.004-06:00

Again, I was at my favorite Neighborhood Bar and Grill, visiting with one of the many people that are good for a story. This time it was Billy telling me about his new idea, the sport of Watching Paint Dry! I asked him about his new sport. He began to reveal to me the plan that he some of his buddies had worked out. "Oh really" I asked,"please, tell me the details?" Billy began,"Well what we are going to do is rent a small gym that has big seats. Some of our fans are going to be large people. We are going to hire attractive girls to sell beer and fast food." "What kind of fast food are you going to sell, Billy",I asked? He answered,"hot dogs, burgers, pizza, and of course hot wings." "Okay, now we know what you are going to serve, but tell me about the sport," I said, "I can't wait to hear your plans!" Well, guess what ol Billy has it all worked out in his mind. So he continued, " what we are going to do is have 2 teams that will paint a 2x12, 10 ft long. Each team will paint a board, the referees will test each board to see which board drys first. There is going to be play by play announcing during the match." I had to ask, "Who do you plan to get to do the announcing?" Of course he had the answer, "Brad Schamm and Dale Hanson, the best duo there ever was!" " Do you know what they will cost" I asked? "We will ask them to donate the time to help us out, I don't know them, but I hear they are nice guys. They do all those commercials on TV, and I heard they do them just to help those companies" he replied.
Imagine a sport totally dedicated to paint drying. Only Billy could come up with the idea, but that is just Billy. who knows, maybe we will see his sport hit the big time. But, I do so doubt it!

Mango

Obama's Idea of Health Care

2010-02-15T17:16:00.000-06:00

It is truly amazing the way the empty suit thinks. He believes that we are so in love with him and his America hating wife, that he has carte blanche to do as he pleases. This a picture of our new doctor, with a 2 year waiting list. Unless you are on the denial list.

Mango

We Can Dream, Can't We?

2010-02-13T08:34:00.001-06:00

We are allowed to dream aren't we?

Two Brazilian Soldiers

2010-02-11T19:15:00.002-06:00

The Department of Defense held a briefing with the President this morning.

They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq yesterday.

To everyone's surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken,
almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just how many is a brazillian?"

This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of a billion or a trillion either!

H/T Paul

Mango

The Empty Suit

2010-02-10T16:09:00.003-06:00

When I listened to the Dis-array of the union address the other night, this is the vision I had of the Media's President. The people that voted for this joke should just enjoy basking in his lack of ability to lead this country. I never understood this guy. He has never worked in the business world, yet he thinks that if you can't pay your bills, we that are in business should borrow more money and pay higher taxes. Not to mention deal with more fees and regulation. This is the thinking of those people that are in control of the government. Why in the hell did people buy into this foreign national phony?

Mango

Slogans

2010-01-30T07:52:00.002-06:00

I heard about some possible new slogans for different groups. Some are pretty funny. Well, they are to me.

Procrastinators - Tomorrow is a dream, that's when we will do it..

PGA Golf - You have 18 holes to get it right.

U.S. Congress - Thanks for making us rich.

Nebraska - Corn rows, not just a hair style.

Oklahoma - If your white clothes are red now, You are here.

MADD - we all know this group, there is a new group started called DAMM - Drunks against Mad Mothers

Red River Shoot Out - Texas/OU game. When Texans play Texans

Grave Diggers - We are 6 foot deep in our business.

Lonely Hearts Club - Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.

Hospitals - We bury our mistakes.

Masons - We can't tell you, it is a secret.

Old West Sheriffs - Our clients just hang around.

How about religions

Baptist - We take the Bible and slap the hell out of you.

Pentecostal - We do more than just roll in the aisles.

Catholic - Do you feel guilty? How about now?

Spiritualists - We will haunt you.

Morman - Our Bible is better than yours.

Muslim - Allah is love. Convert or we will kill you.

Tele-Evangelists - Send your money and gifts to God. Here, use my address.

Church of Christ - We are the only religion that is right. Sorry about your bad luck.

Then of course there is the I.R.S. - Trust us. We are here to help you.

Just Wondering

2010-01-26T17:00:00.003-06:00

At my favorite neighborhood bar the conversation turned to talk about things we don't know or understand. Here is a list we came up with. Included are things we are thankful for.

How can something small be called big, as in Jumbo-Shrimp?
Why do most families have a black sheep?
Why do most people thank a Cop for a citation?
Why are some people always mean?
It is said that when someone is grumpy in the morning that they got up on the wrong side of the bed. Which side is the wrong side, right or left?
Why do bald guys do comb-overs?
Why is one religion better than all the others?
Is it still a lie if you say it a different way?
Why do women shave their eyebrows, then paint them back on?
Chocolate or Vanilla?
Why we park on a driveway, but we drive on a parkway?
If someone dies with the most toys wins, what does he win? Isn't he still dead?
Why do dogs and cats fight?
When did wrong become right, and who changed the rules?
Why do people lie?
If someone wins the lottery, does that make them a financial wizard?

But something we are thankful for: What if cows could fly?

Mango

People and their Pets

2010-01-20T17:09:00.005-06:00

I was too lazy to write this story, so I just recorded it!
Hope you like it.

Mango

Aaarrrrgghhhhh!!!!!

2010-01-17T14:30:00.004-06:00

The empty suit

Loose dogs

Two-faced people

Lies

Hitting a swarm of bugs with a freshly waxed car

Rudeness

Getting up late

Being late

Laziness

Getting rushed

Cell phone drivers

Doctors being late to their appointments

Unbridled kids at the store

Dirty diapers laying in the parking lot

Cars parked in two spots

But the worst, sickness

These are things that get my goat!!

Mango

What Can I Truly Change?

2010-01-16T12:00:00.001-06:00

I have been taught all my life that anyone can change and improve if they want to. We are not locked into what we are, unless that is what we want !
Other people can try to change us, but that never seems to work out. An old proverb that my grandmother taught me is, A person changed against his will, is of the same opinion still!
The only change that is real, is radical change. Meaning from the base up to the top. Attitude shifting is a real thing. That change comes from a deep rethink. If your change comes from a tragic event or from a joyous moment, it is more than likely, real and will last.
That change can come from a relationship with the creator. He did makes us and give us the ability to improve ourselves. As for me change is usually forced on me, because of behavior and wanting to stay 35 years old my whole life.

Mango

I Want a Do-Over -- Happy New Year

2010-01-01T17:43:00.005-06:00

2009 is finally over and I want a do-over! This looks like an opportunity for a new start on this track that we call life. We just finished a year that will likely be used as a benchmark for future generations. Only time will tell, because history is written by the victorious!
Time is a human obsession to be able to measure everything. We celebrate birth dates, anniversaries, graduations, and of course, New Year. Realistically we don't become one year older, nor does a year evolve overnight. We just become 1 day older, nothing more. Time just marches on, and we can go with the march or just quit and die. Measuring time is a good way for we humans to see how things are changing. Am I doing okay? Will I succeed?

As for 2009, it was a year of major changes and challenges. Health, both physical and emotional. I met people that I wish that I hadn't. I met people that will be part of my life for the balance. I re met people that we had lost touch with each other. Friends that watched the utter nonsense of my life's events, powerless to change anything or save me from myself! 3 bouts of pneumonia, chronic hypertension, becoming blind in one eye, and even went dancing with the pig and his flu! My year looking back sucked in many ways, but at least it is over!

Now considering 2010, the excitement is back and building quickly. I only got 1 day older. Decisions have been made to make it a great year. Realistic goals are now set, the gun was fired, and I left the starting blocks and I am in stride as we speak!

Mango

Emergency Waiting Room Tales

2009-12-30T17:40:00.001-06:00

Recently a friend of mine called and asked if I could pick her up at the hospital and take her to her vehicle. She was in the emergency room for a sudden and painful illness. I agreed and got under way to go get her. I arrived about 30 minutes later, she was still in the waiting room, waiting! I asked what was going on and she said she had been there an hour or better, still waiting to be seen.
Well, I was there, so I decided to wait for her, how long could it be? Some decisions we make are not very good, and this was one of those not very good ones. It was almost 2 hours later when she finally was taken to a room. Fast, huh! While she was in the room I decided that it was a good time to go get some supper.
Went to one of my favorite fast food places, Carl's Jr. I ate rather hurriedly because it should not be long till my friend was released, I reasoned. What a poor thought, she was not out yet when I got back. The only entertainment was to watch the crowd of people bitch about the wait, or play games on the laptop.
Playing games on the laptop was fun until the battery died. So watching was the only thing left to do. I looked at the clock, it was 4 hours since I had arrived. Man, am I ready to go. This entire episode was obviously written by a very cruel taskmaster! I am so ready to go, things to do, places to go, people to see, will this torment ever end? Perhaps my friend is dying, going in for surgery, maybe she is dead? There is only one thing to do, ask! Going up to the check-in is another thing, there is a rumor that people actually work there. It was a huge bother for them to stop chatting and come to the window. "Sorry to bother you" I said, " but did my friend die and nobody has been able to come tell me?" After all it had been almost 7 hours at that point. These wide awake people told me that she was indeed alive and would I like to go back in the ER. "Sure why not, my evening is already ruined, I did have an appointment with a cold beer and my bed"I mentioned, " take back please."
A nurse came and got me and led me to the room. When I arrived, she was sitting on the bed, mad as hell. She had seen the Dr. and he said there was nothing to worry about, she had been given some pain pills and was supposed to call her Dr the next day.
From that point it was another hour until she was released, the only Dr. on duty was sitting at the nurse's desk telling stories and jokes with the nurses and PAs. It is amazing this major hospital only has one Dr on duty in this ER. There is 20 beds, all full, and about 20 people in the waiting room.
My guess is that the bean counters on the board want to make as much and spend as little as is possible. Their road to success is paved over the graves of their patients!

Mango

Thinking About Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T18:37:00.000-06:00

I have already received invitations for Thanksgiving Dinner. It can be a wonderful and delightful gathering, or sometimes it is a circus. Many times the experience has been memorable and fun. Great food, wonderful desserts, and of course Cowboys football. I am from Texas after all!!
As a kid, there was always a huge crowd at our house, lots of relatives we only saw once a year. It was fun to sneak bites of desserts, all the while our mothers were yelling at us to get out of the kitchen. Grandmother would slip us some treats, because she was the mom of all the moms. She had the power to do that. There was always gallons of fresh tea, coffee and of course water.
The table would be set for the adults, and then there was the kid tables for all us young ones to sit down and eat. We would have our meal and dessert, The men would retire to the TV and the moms would clean up the aftermath! Normal by most standards.
The reason for this story is to let you know how I learned the holiday standards. A while back a friend invited me to have Thanksgiving with his family. I felt honored to be invited to such a sacred event with his family! What a surprise awaited me. When we got to his parents house I expected some sort of decorum similar to what was the standard I was raised up with. Wrong! His mother was sitting on the front porch drinking a Natural Light, there was already 6 empty cans on the table beside her. No problem, I thought, maybe there were some other people drinking the same thing. That changed when she said to my friend" I hope you boys brought your own beer"! So we go in the house, his Dad was feeling no pain at all. He was laying on the couch after imbibing a large whiskey on ice. His brother and family were there as well as his 5 time divorced sister, she had her new boyfriend with her. This was the start to an experience that must be told. The table was too small for everyone to sit around, so we just sat anywhere open, sofa, arm chairs, folding chairs, stools and etc. The traditional prayer for his family was short and to the point. Then everybody dug in to the setting. I grabbed some turkey, dressing, rolls, and something that looked like potatoes. I found a place to set and dug in. The first bite and I was looking to throw the rest in the trash! The turkey was drier than cardboard, and it had a taste worse than anything I have ever had. Well I decided to try the dressing, oh my, what a fiasco! I think it was shake and bake, perhaps it started out that way, but something was lost in the preparation. Next was the rolls, did you ever try to eat bread that mortar mix was used instead of flour? My fear overwhelmed me when it came to the potato-like substance, so they were passed over! I pretended to enjoy the food while playing with the fork. When his brother went towards the trash, I followed close behind and disposed of the "meal". My buddy had mentioned that his family always watched the game, so off to the Mini-Mart we went. His brother said he wanted to go along, so we told him to load up.

His brother was already loaded, and I mean loaded. When we got to the only store open in town, that happened to be owned by some people from India, my friends brother started mouthing the store owner. The store owner was a gentleman, he never even began to get upset, he should have thrown the brother out! The brother bought his beer, poured the cans into the ice chest, and threw the trash onto the parking lot. What a drunk Jack-Ass!!! Back to the house, time for the game. Well, mom was on the porch, still drinking, 10 empties now. Dad was in and out!

The game kicked off, I suppose that was the only normal thing experienced that day. The desserts were offered, but I passed, some made up intolerance that was being suffered. Did I mention that the brother and his teenage son were in the front yard getting ready to shoot the plastic reindeer in the yard down the street!

I survived and I am proud to report that this year is going to be different. I hope.

Mango

Hypertension, Part Deux

2009-11-10T15:07:00.002-06:00

The rumors of my premature death have been greatly exaggerated! My old Nemesis, hypertension has attacked again, with a vengeance! Now it seems that things are finally under control and life can get back to normal. There is debris along side the road to recovery. I can no longer enjoy my favorite adult beverage, cold beer. Oh well, it is just the way it is. I now have a little energy to start irritating people again.

Mango

Blogging Hiatus, Or Medical Woes to Cherish

2009-10-23T17:32:00.004-05:00

The last 30 days have been an adventure in total frustration. It all started with the THE MOVE! Moving is not the most pleasant thing to do, even under the best circumstances. Getting rid of extra stuff, arranging for storage, help moving, a truck, turning off utilities, and on and on! Just when you think that you have all the bases covered, guess what, something else pops up.
With the move out of the way, I was looking forward to happily blogging away. Well the perils of Hypertension decided to attack with a vengeance. The Doctor responded with much alarm, ordering multitudes of tests. Reading the results, and prescribing tubs of pills for daily consumption. After beginning the ingesting of the mass quantity's of pills, I began to stabilize as far as my BP was concerned. However, the result of dropping the pressure 50 points on top and bottom, was drunkenness without drinking. I could barely walk,could not drive, and holding a clear and coherent conversation was not to be. No way I could even put words on paper and make any sense at all. Finally things leveled out.
But fate was not done with me. I got attacked by the Pig, and he bit me. That Pig can bite! First he kicked me in the head, then he body slammed me on the floor. The pain was bigger than I thought he could deliver. He wasn't done with me yet. Then he filled my lungs with junk which made the coughing begin. That Pig is one tough character!
Well things are finally getting back to normal, so here it comes, more Madness!

Mango

Peaches and Cream, Change to Dread!

2009-10-14T20:00:00.004-05:00

We have been promised changes that will be as good as peaches and cream. Things will be so good that we will forget any hard times that ever happened in our lives. Yes, these changes are going to heal all the troubles that this old world can dish out. And it is so very simple, all we must do is turn off our ability to think. Turn off our morals, concern, logic, or anything else that might interfere with the change.

Now that we have turned off our compassion and logic the magic can begin. First we must start chanting that we are wrong and the President is the only one that's right. Second we will need to completely agree with what ever he says. We will need to enroll our children and grand children in his training camps, he did write the agenda. If he says that we must tattle on someone, so be it. Thinks can then really begin to change. Just think, there will be no old people driving and blocking the road. They will be so much better off not having to bare the burden of old age. We won't have to look for homes for orphans anymore. Those that are unwanted will never exist. There will not be sickness anymore. Universal health care will solve that problem. The soon to be Sainted one says so. Just think, if you don't have the money for insurance, the federal government will tax all that money from you that you should have spent on health care. That way someone who is here illegally can be properly taken care of. You had your chance. So if you get sick, the chance of the board approving treatment for you is slim.

Oh wait a minute, if there are no older people around, what happens in that few short years when I am there? The more I look at this man and his mission, the more parallels seem to exist that relate to a certain regime earlier in the 20th century. Reorientation classes for those that don't adhere or obey. Just ask those people in Montana! Camps set up for such. Road blocks to check for the swine flu vaccination. Taking the middle class out of existence. Basically running Christians out of government. Being Muslim is better in this administration.
Things my friend are not good, and I feel that the battle is about to begin. I just hope I am ready to give up all that is necessary to defeat these asinine people and their agenda.

Mango

Empty Suit, or Soon To Be Saint?

2009-10-14T00:22:00.004-05:00

I am not sure about the one that was elected President. He is either the luckiest man ever, or he is but a puppet for someone, or some group of very powerful people. How can someone who is very low on the income scale afford an Ivy League education. How can this same individual be schooled around the world. It is said that his mother was Caucasian, why is it that none of his family is ever seen. Is he ashamed, like his wife is of the U.S. and all it stands for. Who groomed and coached him in his quest for the top job. Why is he so arrogant and condescending to the citizens of this country.
Why does the media protect him and boost everything he says as gospel? Why if you disagree with him are you then labeled a racist? If you say anything against his plans you are investigated to see if you are a subversive. Our returning military are labeled as potential anarchists. These same people took an oath to protect this country and the Constitution of the U.S. What about his oath? Did the empty suit not swear to protect the Constitution of the U.S. Or is he just another Marxist liar. Why is he pushing for a socialist state for our country?
I am amazed at the way this country of ours is just accepting this dribble that he is dishing out and walking headlong into oblivion. He bows to the King of Saudi Arabia, a less powerful country than ours, is it a sign of weakness or is the King one of his benefactors?
How about his accomplishments. 1. America is no longer a Christian nation. 2. He is buddies with a Marxist dictator dedicated to the destruction of the U.S. 3. His pastor is a known racist. 4. Iran is not the least bit afraid of him, no spine. 5. He took the ownership of the auto companies away from the people and now the Federal Government is the majority owner. What usually happens with Federal Property, it is locked away never to be seen by the people again. 6. He got a stimulus package put together, more foreign country's benefited than any U.S. companies. Try to get a stimulus loan. If you are not a foreign national, not a chance! 7. By the way he wants your guns!! 8. How about the big banks. I wish it was possible for us little guys to get multi-million dollar bonuses for bankrupting a company, like these clowns did. The Administration knew about the deal before the money was sent.
Yes Sir, this empty suit has accomplished a lot, way more than I can list. When he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for nothing, it solidified my feelings that there is some group of big money people pushing this phony. Are you ready to just lay down and take in the rear? I am not, and I for one, am totally disgusted with this public display of worship for him. I am willing to bet that there will be pressure brought to bare on the Pope to make the empty suit a living Saint!
Get ready kids, the bull is not over yet. It seems that it is going to get worse before it gets better.

Mango

Getting Old, What a Trip!

2009-10-09T20:53:00.008-05:00

Getting older can be a kick in the stomach of life. I know women that want their grandchildren to call them Auntie. A couple of guys that I know have their kids, and grand kids call them by their first name.
We might as well embrace getting older, no one has learned how to reverse time. There are not miracle cures for wrinkles. One lady who will remain nameless, spent untold amounts of money on face and necks wrinkles. That was two years ago, they're baaack!!! There is nothing that will let you just slap chop age away. No pill, cream, ointment, magic sheets, magic underwear, secret food that the government does not know about, but those snake oil salesmen make some money doing it.
Enjoy these few jokes.

Thanks to JO!

Mango

When I Grow Up!

2009-10-06T10:30:00.003-05:00

Often my thoughts will fall into the realm of what to do when I grow up. A 56 year old man still wondering, what a concept. Perhaps an astronaut, that would be fun. But the training would dip into my personal time. Maybe a fireman, but that require getting up in the middle of the night. Not something fun to do, we do need our sleep.
As the thinking continued, the world needs a new Superstar came up. Now that might be fun, riding around in a limo. Living in a big house in Beverly Hills. New girl friends constantly. Big, decadent parties, pure pleasure all the time. I forgot! There is no musical talent in me and it is hard to imagine all the old ladies becoming groupies. Their children would put a stop to it, and most of them would not want to wear Bikinis all the time. Once again, dream ended.
Now what could be the best gig on earth, being King, a CEO of a major corporation, Governor of one of the states. No way any of these things are good enough.
The only thing left is the perfect deal. It is the job of being the President of the US. Name another job that you can make laws and enforce them. Have armed body guards for you and your family. You can change the way people live. You tell your subjects what their opinions will be. You tell them what to wear, what drugs they will take, where they will live and how much they will earn. There is the ultimate military at your disposal. A fleet of jets to take you anywhere you desire at a moments notice. Your own private vacation home, impeccably maintained. You never have to pack for a trip, your entire wardrobe is duplicated everywhere you go. There is a personal valet always laying out your clothing and shoes. Your meals are always made to perfection. Every leader on earth wants your job, and jealous of you. It doesn't matter if people hate you, they just seem to go away. Maybe they are now sleeping with the fish.
If I am lucky enough to follow this buffoon who has the job now, it is possible to become a legend that everyone wants to be like. Kids would be named for me, roads and schools would bear my name. Yes sir, by the time this guy that is in there now is gone, the job might then be called the Royal Imperial Leader who advises the Creator. ( Remember we cant say God anymore)
I am excited about my new job, and think I only have to work for 4 years, and still maintain all the privileges of travel and protection. And to beat all, they will continue to pay for all those that stand around, do my bidding, and most of all kiss my butt! What a career!

Mango

Farm Stories

2009-10-04T23:04:00.005-05:00

Having been raised in an agricultural way, I have seen a lot of crazy stuff and heard a lot of stories about the same. The hardest lesson I ever learned was when I wrote my name on the wall with milk, while milking a cow. My grandfather was not proud of me at all, he could not stand waste. Getting stepped on by cows, horses, and various other animals. Cleaning out stalls, cleaning the barn, after the milking was done. This is not a list of my favorite things to do, just things we did as kids.

But the stories we heard, when the work was done, was pure entertainment. My favorite was the story of the new bull. This story has been told by many people, but Grandpa told it so much better. Maybe it was because it was Grandpa telling it.

This rancher decided that the 4 bulls that he had was not keeping his herd properly taken care of, if you know what I mean. So one day this rancher went to the auction, searching for a new bull. The 4 bulls heard about this and started taking among themselves. The first and oldest bull said" I have 43 cows that are mine and I have no plans at all to share". The second bull said" well boys I have 22 cows and sharing is not in my plan". the third bull said about the same and finally it got to the fourth bull. The fourth bull said " Look guys, I only have one cow, and a couple that sort of like me, I really don't plan on sharing". Of course the chat went on for hours, planning on how to put this new bull in his place.

A few days later this big truck and trailer pulled on to the ranch with the pipes just bellowing and belching big black smoke. When the truck backed up tp the new corral, the new bull was set loose in the pen. He was a great big black bull with horns that were 2 foot long on both sides of his head. He roared and pawed at the ground. He tried to tear down the corral, he was just that kind of bull. This bull was a lot more than they expected! You might say that their minds were filled with fear!

The first bull lamented " maybe I was too harsh and quick to judge our new member. I think that I will share some of my cows". The second bull said" he does not seem like a bad sort, I am going to welcome him and share my cows. It is the friendly thing to do". The third bull said" we really should not have such a mean spirit about this situation, I am going to share and perhaps learn from him". They did not want to rock the boat, the new bull was much bigger than anyone had seen in the past. Finally, the forth bull threw his head up, bellowed and pawed the ground. The other bulls yelled at the fourth bull"you are crazy, he will kill you". The fourth bull yelled back at the other three "I know, but I want him to know that I am a bull too"!