We humans have such a long and selective memory. I have memories of learning to ride my bike. Wanting the traffic light that was sold by Sears in the 1950's. Looking at the world with my View Master. I don't remember any real bad times at all. These memories are a good and bad thing. There is not a balance.... When we lose a loved one, the only things we tend to remember are the good and happy things that happened. The happy ending to the story, so to speak. It usually escapes our memory, the fights, arguments, and the unhappy moments! We want to deify them and make them into a saint. I have been and I am so guilty of this action.Then on the other hand, we have a very close relationship end poorly. We get a divorce, that is less than friendly, all that we tend to remember is the bad events and actions! There was never any love or friendship. We think that every minute of everyday was pure hell while we were together! We know this to be untrue, but we think that way for what reason I don't know. Could it just be natural pain management? Is it the lessons we have learned in our society? How do we get closure on some, and never ending grief on the others?
I am seeking the answer and it is eluding me! This is not a whine that needs cheese, just a question that needs an answer!
I need help with this question, and any help given is so appreciated!
Just Asking For Help!
4 comments:
I guess it's like crapping your pants. On one hand -- you're happy that you don't have to worry about it anymore, but on the other hand -- you've crapped your britches and the clean up is ahead.
Open Mon - Fri, sun up till sun down, any notion amused and abused.Sharky
I think when we lose someone close to us, we typically love them unconditionally, and that probably makes up for a good portion of the fond memories.
When we go through a divorce, especially a really nasty one like I've been through, it's hard to remember anything good about the person. And if they have an axe to grind with you, it makes it worse. I've been tortured by the same woman and her family for 15 years (as long as I've been divorced). I finally have cut all ties to the family for health and sanity reasons. Not sure if that helps, but my email address is on my site if you are going through a rough time and need someone to talk to. I am going through a nasty spot right now and I'm just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I think closure is a myth... like your diagram, it is all about perception... when you are not able to fill in the blanks, there is endless turmoil... when the blanks are nicely filled in, whether with fact or fiction, there is harmony...
My mother gave me this quote, and it has helped me often..''To forgive is to set a prisoner free only to discover that the prisoner was you."
Peace Mango, sending you honks from NYC !!
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