Blues or depression. the last 5 weeks of my life have been tumultuous , put mildly. There have been really, really great highs, followed by the worst bottom of barrel lows that I could imagine! I wanted to blame everyone and everything around me. Then I would believe that I was the pond scum that brought it all on! Things that I dreaded the worst happened. The things that were hoped for never materialized the way I had wanted and dreamed. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. I felt as if I was drifting in the Horse Latitudes in the Atlantic, days away from land and rescue. Woe unto me! Oh woes unto me! What an unimaginable feeling of despair! As I sat worrying about poor little me. In the midst of my pity party, I decided to take an online depression test, and this proved to be a handy tool for me. I was just sure that there was something clinically wrong with me! I took the test, it said that I was suffering a case of the Blues. Nothing abnormal at all. No major problem.
Then as I pondered the results, and the non-problem, That inner voice spoke," grow up selfish"! So I answered, "What"? Yes there was a reply, " Get over not getting your way. You still have goals and work that needs to get done. You are letting other people down that need you and care about you. Now, just do it"! It sure felt like the Lord was talking to me, and I didn't know he is from Texas.
I once told a good friend of mine," Don't be so spiritually minded that you are no earthly good!" It was a rude thing to say, and we reap what we sow. The Lord told me," Don't be so earthly minded that you are no spiritual good!" By allowing my selfishness to rule my life, it allowed the Blues to get control of me! All of this knowledge was like a miracle pill that started cleansing my mind and soul. Look for balance is what the Lord told me. Now I can make my bed and get ready to do some things I have avoided. The more I accept things the better I do.
Oh by the way, my score was a 31 out of a 100.
Just a Big Baby.
4 comments:
Mango needs his banjo bangoed!
I enjoy your take on things. I go through moments and times of being depressed. If it weren't for my personal relationship with Jesus, I don't know where I would be. The joy of the Lord is my strength! I am so glad that you have Him in your life too.
Hang in there.
You will look back at this time and wonder why it seemed like such a big deal, and laugh.
When I'm feeling down, I go the the Psalms... David was such a godly, powerful and mighty man, but struggled with failure and doubts just like we do... It's OK to ask God why, but we must be content with the answer He gives us, it really is for our good... BTW, you're not just a big baby, you're perfectly normal (whatever that means) ;-)
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