Thursday, December 30, 2010

Who would have thunkt it?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.

The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at

schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees and

' the pill

There wereno:

' credit cards

' laser beams or

' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers

' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, .. ... ... and then lived together..

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,


We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and

group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common


We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up

and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger


We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and

weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or

guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our


And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy


If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam....

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a


And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps

to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' "grass" was mowed,

' "coke" was a cold drink,

' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and

' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,

' " chip" meant a piece of wood,

' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and

' "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband

to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.

How old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old lady in are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same


Are you ready ?????

This woman would be only 59 years old.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Oh No

Will Prince William and Kate snub the Obamas?

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters
The president and first lady were dressed to the nines for a Kennedy Center Honorees Reception at the White House earlier this month -- but if the U.K. Daily Mail has it right, they won't need to break out their glad rags for Will and Kate's wedding.
The U.K. Daily Mail is reporting that President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama will not be invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton next April. The British tabloid cites "a senior courtier" as saying that "The guest list is still being drawn up and could change, but as things stand it’s right (to say Mr Obama will not be invited)."
The Mail claims that because William is not yet heir to the throne, the wedding is not an official state occasion and Will and Kate are more interested in having people who work for William's many charities and just plain folks among the 2,000 guests at their "people's wedding" than dignitaries and VIPs. However, the Mail says that French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni will likely be invited.
But state occasion or not, not inviting the Obamas would certainly be a break from tradition. In 1981, for example, President Ronald Reagan and wife Nancy were invited to the wedding of Charles and Diana (Nancy came, but the president, recovering from an assassination attempt, stayed home).
In assessing the credibility of the Mail's report, it should be noted that the tabloid has had to pay out hundreds of thousands of pounds in high-profile libel cases involving celebrities over the past decade alone. On the other hand, the newspaper has broken its share of scoops as well.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Memories of a 5 year old!

It is a funny thing the way we remember things. It can be a picture, a conversation, a smell, a toy, just about anything. This is a picture of the car we had when I was 5. There was a big controversy in the family when got this car, so it has always stood out as a point of time in my life. Trips that we took to distant relatives homes, vacations, going to weddings, and funerals. 
Seeing this picture brought memories of my Dad's Grandma Nora cascading out. Oh the visits we made to her in her little house in that little town. She was the sweetest lady, and how much my Dad adored her! Very crafty, making little monkey dolls out of socks that looked real to this 5 year old. I wanted one so badly, that she gave me one to take back home. Joy, joy, joy!!!! I loved her so much.
It was this same car that took us to something new, a funeral. Grandma Nora's Funeral. I asked my Dad, "why won't Grandma talk to me?" Dad explained me the best he could why she wouldn't talk to me. Of course this made me so sad that I cried. After the services we went to Grandma's house to eat. I loved eating at Grandma's house, but she wasn't there. There was a bunch of people there that I did not know. There was 2 old women fighting over one of Grandmas special plates. Grandma's house was not the way it was supposed to be! That was in 1959, and I have never been to that house again. Sometimes it is tough being 5.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dear Abby,

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems.
He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month,
if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money.
He says “pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest”,
but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us.
The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics
and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ,
and the next he's with Muslums.

Finally, the last straw…..

He's demanding that before anyone can
be in the same room with him,
they must sign a loyalty oath.
It's just so horribly creepy!

Can you help?

Signed,   Lost in DC

Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle!!   You can divorce the jerk any time you want.
The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Magic Trick

  A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so
the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he
started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!"
or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all
the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the
captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went
on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the f------ship?"

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Christmas 2010

Nancy Pelosi, Bless her heart!

Poor thing! How is she going to make it now that she lost her super powers? As we say in Texas, Bless Her Heart!


Garbage Trucks

Law of The Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. 
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. 
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy --and I mean, he was really friendly.  
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' 
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of The Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.
They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.
Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. 
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So -- Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is 10 percent what you MAKE IT and 90 percent how you TAKE IT!
Have a Garbage-Free Day!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

More Signs and Sayings

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
  In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
On a Plumber's  truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'
On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'
On a Church's Bill board:
'7 days without God makes one weak.'
At a Tire Store 
'Invite us to your next blowout..'
On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'
In a Non-smoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'
On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push..'
At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'
On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'
On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'
In a Vets waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.'
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'
And don't forget the sign at a
'Best place in town to take a leak.'
Sign on the back of yet another
Septic Tank Truck:
'Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises'


Cowboy Poetry

Jake, the rancher, went one day
To fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty
And the clouds rolled gray and dense.

As he pounded the last staples in
And gathered tools to go,
The temperature had fallen,
And snow began to blow.

When he finally reached his pickup,
He felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition
He knew it wouldn't start.

So Jake did what most of us
Would do if we were there.
He humbly bowed his balding head
And sent aloft a prayer.

As he turned the key the last time,
He softly cursed his luck
They found him three days later,
Frozen stiff in that old truck.

Now Jake had been around in life
And done his share of roaming.
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked --
It looked just like Wyoming !

Of all the saints in Heaven,
His favorite was St. Peter .
So they sat and talked a minute or two,
Or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping' score --
In Heaven, time is free.

'I've always heard,' Jake said to Pete ,
'that God will answer prayers,
But the one time I asked for help,
Well, he just wasn't there.'

'Does God answer prayers of some,
And ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square --
I know all men are brothers.'

'Or does he randomly reply,
Without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
The weather or the season.'

'Now I ain't trying to act smart,
It's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering', could you tell me
What the heck's the deal?!'

Peter listened very patiently
And when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
And he said, 'So, you're the one!!'

That day your truck, it wouldn't start,
And you sent your prayer a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time,
With hundreds of us trying.'

'A thousand angels rushed,
To check the status of your file,
But you know, Jake , we hadn't heard
From you in quite a while.'

'And though all prayers are answered,
And God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
And started a truck in Minnesota '!