Saturday, November 27, 2010

I am such a easy touch!

Every once in a while we are requested to throw convention to the wind. The picture you see is the end result of my throwing. There is this little 7 year old girl that needed one more set of toes to work on, so guess who was selected. Yep, easy old me. It is hard to believe the power of hugs and kisses, along with sweet little words like "Please Pops, I promise you will be happy!"
Before you could shake a stick she was filing away on the nails. She worked on every part of my feet, spending about 20 minutes including a massage! After all of this pampering she asked the question,"what color do you want Pops?" I told her any one she wanted and of course she had her mind made up, 5 different colors it would be! She did such a fine job that a monthly appointment could be a part of my future. No, not really! However she did let me know that for Christmas the new job would be Red and Green, along with some little trees painted on.  Can't wait!


Civic Duty!

I saw a Muslim Extremist fall into the Rio Grande this morning. He was struggling to stay afloat, but he was failing, due to all the guns and bombs he was carrying! Along with him was a member of the Mexican Drug Cartel, who was struggling to stay afloat. Because of  the large amount of drugs strapped to his back.
 If they did not get help soon, they would surely drown!  Because I always try to do my civic duty, I informed the El Paso Sheriffs Dept. and the Department of Homeland Security. It is now 4 pm and they still have not responded to help.
My question is "did i waste money on buying those two stamps?"

Oh Well,


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I feel safer now!! Obama steps up searches on suspected terrorists!

This suspect is a member of the Rosary Committee, an arm of the Radical Church Mothers, whose stated goal is make children behave at home and in public. Their goals are so evil and contrary to the Obama Administration, they felt a need for stepped up airport security. Paddles are the number 1 weapon of choice. Forced confessions and prayers also play a part in their method of operation. You have been warned!


Friday, November 19, 2010

Grey Hair!

If you are one of those people that has weathered the storms of life, long enough to become grey headed. Congratulations are in order for you. That means you are now ready for the nursing home! 
So now you are saying" I am in perfect health! I have all my teeth! Man, I am not even sixty years old yet, why the nursing home?" 
Just as we did when we were 35, the grey hair means old. Old means that we forgot how to live and work. Old means we aren't capable of learning anything new. Anyway, that is what some kid, 30 years old told me the other day. His turn is coming!


I mad this mistake once. Just once!

Bad mistake, women do not find that comment funny!



There was an old man, about 75, that was mean and hateful. He used every racial, religious, ethnic slur known to mankind. I asked him why he was such a racist? His response, " I am not a racist, I hate everyone the same!"


Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Dog

Please be advised I am sick of receiving questions about my dog who mauled
 3 Muslims sitting on a rug next to my back wall, 6 illegals wearing Obama
 t-shirts, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi t-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators
 who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging
 down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken
 English, 10 flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Lost and Found

My 5 year old grandson and I went to the Mall. Just a looking around trip, until he saw the toy store. Man, he was gone like a bullet, out of sight before I could catch him. There was a lot of people milling about, I asked everyone if they had seen the little runaway?  No was the answer. Before long the announcement came  out thru the PA system, "Pops Mango, come to Chili's please!"
Off I went. There he was, with mall security, waiting for me. He had told the people in the toy store that his pops was lost. They asked him, "what is his name and what is he like?"  The young stool pigeon said, "women with big boobs, cold beer, and Chili's ." So we brought him here, and paged you.
Grandma is going to have a fit over this one.


Monday, November 15, 2010

True Love!

This past weekend I took a short trip north. Yes sir, it was to Las Vegas on the Red, The Red River. In the middle of the nowhere Oklahoma is the promise, of extreme wealth. 
So excited was I, that when the turn into the parking lot came up, we made the turn on two wheels, in my pickup. The truck was barely stopped when we all jumped out and started running for the door, Wealth was Waiting! Still running, the guys in the blue jackets slowed us down, and told us to get our I.D.s, then we could enter the Casino.
After what seemed like several hours, we had our I.D.s and we walked into a world of sounds, smells, flashing lites. Had we entered Heaven? Where do I start?  It turned out the answer was right in front of me, The Aztec's Gold. I only have $50 to spend, and this machine is only a penny. I put a $20 in the machine, thinking that would be enough, pushed the spin button, lights flashed, wheels spun and bells rang. I just knew that I was a millionaire, waiting, waiting, waiting. Please Play again. What? So I hit the button again, same story, same answer. What should I do? I tried a few more times, still not a single win. So I decided to cash out, hit the button and got back 75cents out of 20 bucks. I called for an attendant and said," I thought a penny machine meant a penny." She replied and mentioned the button I was using was the Max Bet button. Max Bet! Whats that? So she explained it so I could understand. Oh well, stupid on my part, time to look around and see the sights.
There are many Bars and Fancy Cafes, Gift Shops, Poker Tables, and don't forget The Machines! As the self guided tour continued, IT HAPPENED, THE LIGHTS DIMMED, THE SOUNDS STOPPED, AND IT APPEARED THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SHINED A LIGHT DOWN WITH THE ANGELS SINGING. THERE SHE WAS, RED HOT RUBY. This was a sign that great fortune was just in reach, and my day would be a success. Yes Sir, I was about to become a Millionaire. Ruby looked at me and smiled, she was so trusting in her look, such honest eyes. She wanted me and I wanted her to bless me with great fortune. I seemed to float to her waiting arms and put the Last $30 I had in the money slot. Hit the button and waited. Defeat. Please play again. Ruby seemed to whisper, "I was just teasing, try again, it will be better, Promise!" So the Promise Button was pushed again, this time I won a dollar back. Is this divine? Ruby speaks again,"trust me, all I want to do is please you and make you rich!" With this promise, all worries are now gone. Riches, here I come! I just start pushing the button, lites are flashing, bells and buzzers, Ruby's nervous laughter. After a while, when I look at my balance, shock and doom hit me like a bull in a rodeo. There is only enough money left for 1 more spin. "Ruby, you promised to make me rich, you said not to worry, whats the deal," I asked and continued, " You know that is all the money I have!" Ruby whispered back, "I saved the best for last, just to please you. Go ahead, and push the button big boy!" The sound of her voice was angelic and intoxicating. Mash the promise button one more time. The wheels start spinning and bells ringing. Spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, finally the first wheel stops on the Jackpot Icon! The second wheel slow down, slowly, slower, Wow it stops on the Jackpot! One more wheel and I win $10,000 cash. The wheel spins for what seems like an hour. Now it is slowing, slowing, slowing, almost stopped, the Jackpot is coming up, getting closer. Ruby is about to give me that big old winning kiss! Closer, closer, closer, just a little more, new tires for my pickup and a new saddle for my horse, there it is, THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS.... DAMN!! THE WHEEL STOPPED JUST SHORT OF THE JACKPOT.  I dropped my head, Ruby laughed as I turned and walked away. Then on the way out, sat Barbie's Golden Treasure. I will see you next time Barbie.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Betting on Races

Never bet on the Muslim Race Driver if the race is in the afternoon.
The 3 o'clock prayers will get you every time!!


What will they think of next?

I heard that a new Star Wars movie is coming out. This one is about Yoda's illegitimate son. It seems as if Yoda and Mr. T's mother had a tryst. This is going to be a riveting story, don't you think?


Monday, November 8, 2010

Be Carefull What You Wish For!

How many times have we wished for a million dollars cash, because all our woes could be fixed? An old man said to when I was young,"if I had all the money in the world, I would pay off what I could and just let the other bills ride.
Why do little girls dream of being a princess, little boys of being a football player, or whatever the wish of the day is? The movie, 3 Coins, is about 3 young American women that go to Rome to find their fairy tale Prince and happiness. Success, in their case, was not completely realized.
What about wishing to be a football coach. That is scary in and of its self, and that is enough to turn this movie into a Horror Show.


The Safest and Most Secure Job in America

I think that it would be safer to be on this boat in the storm, than to be a Coach for a Football Team.


Could it be?

    *Woman shot in the head*

    Linda Burnett,  23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her
    in-laws  and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up
    some  groceries.

    Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway
    with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands
    behind the back of her head.

    He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that
    Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her
    if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the
    back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
    The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because
    the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from
    her head.

    When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread
    dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had
    exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a
    gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When
    she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
    thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly
    Linda is blonde, a Democrat and an Obama supporter, but that could
    all be a coincidence.


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover!

Not all things are as good as they appear! Just because someone who has nothing wins the lottery, does that make them financial geniuses ?  Set back and enjoy.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

His Trump Card did not work!

The current POTUS seems to have a mess on his hands. The places where he campaigned, the candidates/incumbents lost. The areas he avoided were not as bad. Do you ever get the feeling that he thinks that he knows what we need more so than we do. When you go to the Dr. it is common for him to say that we know how medicines effect us more than he does. Maybe, it is the wish of a lot of people to have their life planned out, down to what we eat, what we watch, and perhaps, Who We Worship!


Monday, November 1, 2010

East meets West!

I want one of these cars. They are really tough and surely they have a good warranty. And wow, what a rough testing process they go thru.